It has been way to long since I have posted a blog about Vienna. So long that I actually forgot my password. That is sad.
Well our trip is coming to a close and I must say that I am so ready. I want to go home to my family and friends. I have really enjoyed traveling all around Europe but it has been a huge challenge. I have done so many firsts on this trip it is crazy. Here are a couple that I can think of...
Climbed my first mountain.
Rode my first passenger train.
Built my first real snowman.
Made a snow angel.
Those are only a few that are coming to mind. But I have overcome so many things. I have learned how to live with 20 other people who are all different. We have had our struggles but in the end we have learned to deal with our problems. I have learned that I am going to need to be used to being uncomfortable. I have been around people who do not necessarily believe what I do about Christ and that has been a challenge for me. I have had to learn how to include those people in certain conversations and not offend them as well as strive to maintain my walk with God. That has been one of the hardest things that I have had to do on this trip. My soul has never felt this kind of turmoil before but I feel like I have been in a constant state of turmoil since we landed in Vienna. It has been an uncomfortable change and I can feel God pulling the bad fruit off of the branches but boy does it hurt. I have tried to be more in the word since I came to Europe. I found that I was searching for something to hold onto because my world had been thrown upside down and I was tossed into this new culture and expected to be "ok." I am not ok. I am nothing close to being ok. I feel like I have changed so much since I came to Europe and I am not sure if I know who I am anymore. I am interested to see how I react to going home and adjusting to being in a totally different culture.
But wasn't this the point? Wasn't I supposed to change and grow up? I mean I have been living over seas for 3 months I should have expected a change. I remember before we left they told us that we would come back and not know the person that was staring at us in the mirror. I did not believe this at first. I thought that since I had already been to Europe that I would not change very much. But I don't know who that girl is that is looking back at me in the mirror. I have not ever seen her before. She looks much older and wiser but also looks like she is searching for something bigger. She looks like she needs something strong to cling to because she has been torn down to the lowest of lows. She is hurt and she is confused...but she still looks older and wiser. How can that be? How can you look older and wiser but also look like you are hurt and confused? What has this trip done to me? What have people done to me? Why have I let words affect me so much? Why do I care?
These are questions that have been going through my head this entire time. I have been counting the days until I come home since day 38. Why do I count down the days? Why am I ready to leave this beautiful place? It is because I am scared. I am scared of what another day will do to me. I am afraid that with another nights sleep I will wake up and that person in the mirror will be gone completely. How am I supposed to do this for a living? Why do I want to be in a constant state of turmoil away from my comfort zone? Am I cut out for a missionary's life?
Please don't get me wrong...I have loved living in Europe. These 3 months have been great and I would not trade them for anything. But I will tell you that if you are thinking about going on this trip please don't think that you will not change. You are wrong. You will probably change more than anyone. That is what this trip has taught me. Everyone changes.
